A Violin and A Tune
Survivor: YOYO (alias)
What happened had brought me physical and mental harm. I still cannot touch this instrument after ten years.
Yoyo used to love music. She loved different instruments. She studied in music school and was a part-time violin teacher. During the course of sexual violence, the perpetrator kept expressing his sexual fantasies, saying that ‘those teachers are usually very hot’, ‘they will scream so beautifully, just like Japanese porn actresses.’”
“I could not respond to these comments. I regretted letting him know that I love music. I questioned if I have chosen the wrong career, putting myself into such danger.”
“Before the incident, I had never thought that music would bring sexual fantasies. I thought music would bring happiness. But the perpetrator had used music to harass and attack me. I couldn’t forget what he said. I had a strong feeling that music had haunted my life. It has brought me physical and mental harm.”
Yoyo was worried that she would be seen as someone’s laughing stock, so she didn’t mention it to anyone until 9 years later, when she told a good friend about what happened. Her friend’s reactions broke her heart and put her mind in complete chaos:
“It’s not wrong for you to wear sexy clothes, but this would induce crime.”
“What do you mean by you cannot resist?”
“A drunk girl who dressed in sexy attire – these showed some signals that would induce crime.”
On one hand, Yoyo felt angry. She couldn’t understand why as a woman, her friend would put the blame on her. On the other hand, Yoyo questioned herself, thinking that it was herself who had caused the entire incident. She thought that maybe her occupation, her outfit, her behaviour and the fact that she was drunk indeed induced crime.
“I think that the response I would like to hear most was that, even if they don’t understand, they are still willing to listen to me.”
“I started receiving counselling a year ago. I haven’t fully recovered yet – the process of recovery is long. However in RainLily, I feel that I am being understood and accompanied, which is something I have never experienced before. The counsellors have “set things right”, telling me that it was not my fault. In every counselling session, I was allowed to show the counsellors my wound and they would do the stitches for me.”
What survivors need are empathy and accompaniment. Listen to them and never put the blame on them to avoid causing secondary traumatisation.
YOYO has something to say to those who share similar experiences
I believe that not giving up will bring you a rainbow after the storm. I want to tell myself and other women that we will live better lives than those criminals. They have hurt others and they are destined to live with shame. They might think that our lives would be destroyed, but I have not given up my life. I have not harmed myself. I keep my head up every day and I believe that someday I will rediscover the joy of playing music.
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