A Mended Dress
Survivor: Wikipedia (alias)
This is the school uniform dress I wore when I was in Primary Six. A dress that I secretly stitched after my mother destroyed it. This dress tells a story of myself, who grew up in a family of which the adults were clueless about how to take care of their children.'
The perpetrator was a relative of hers. She was 5 years old when it happened.
“I told my mother about it, but she thought that I was joking and didn’t take it seriously. I did mention it when I got older. She then asked if I had taken my medicine and just said, ‘I took a lot of effort to send you to an elite school.’ However, she didn’t know how hard it was for me to survive in an elite school – just like her denial towards the sexual harassment incident happened on me.”
“I really hoped that I could be understood. I did seek help immediately after the incident, but I was scolded and not trusted for speaking out, which hurt me so badly. If a child tells about their experience, it is never a joke. I decided to tell my mother about it at that time because I wanted her to be my shelter.”
Wikipedia never wanted to be under the spotlight at home or in school. She once thought that only the weak would suffer from depression. The incident had cast a huge impact on her – it lingered on her everyday life, or even her entire life.
“I would scold myself, or sometimes even force myself to forget about it. But I can’t do it – I can remember every single detail of it.”
“Since I was born, I have been containing the negative affectively of my mother. After my little brother was born, I saw my mother apologising to my brother if she broke his stuff, while she would not show the same respect to me. I now know that was patriarchy.”
”I studied at an elite girls’ school. I had never taken sick leaves nor been late for school. I tried my best to finish all my homework. The environment for studying was not ideal at that time, but I had done my very best. I remembered that my average score was at about 89.5, which is an average score.”
That night, Wikipedia’s mother lost her temper,
cutting Wikipedia’s uniform dress into pieces.
“If I didn’t stitch it, I could not go to school the next day. But I knew nothing about sewing and stitching at that time, so it looked so ugly after I had stitched it, but at least I could go to school with that. When I went to school the next day, the school Sister saw it and gave me a new one to change.”
“When I look back now, I recognise that I was actually bleeding inside, that I was in pain but I was the only one who could protect myself. I am glad that I had the endurance and I was smart and tough.”
When Wikipedia was in Secondary 4, she started her part-time job and could earn some money. Looking back at that dress, its meaning shifted.
“As to now, I recognise that I have gone through many obstacles and I had to overcome them all one after the other by myself. ‘Actually I have been quite tough’ – it was the moment when the painful feeling started to slowly fade away. My past experience has shaped the person I am today and I only understand this after all these years with the help of RainLily. My friends always say that I am just like Wikipedia. They thought that I know everything – they would even ask me to fix their broken water pipe. Not until now has I finally known about how to survive.”
When it comes to sexual violence, please take a child’s words seriously. Listen calmly without questioning.
Wikipedia has something to say to those who share similar experiences
I started to learn to breathe, eat and dress up after I was diagnosed with depression. When I am dating someone and want to hold hands, I find the need to ask for permission first, out of respect. Many adults are not aware of how absurd they are. When a child is crying for help, can’t it be the perpetrator’s problem, instead of the child’s fault?
People teach children to stay quiet, without understanding their pain. I will always be by your side. Love your body dearly.”
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