A Headband That was Given by Him
Survivor: TEEA (alias)
It was a present given by my ex-boyfriend on my 18th birthday. That relationship was a turning point on how I face my experience of sexual violence.
“In the past, this headband meant a sweet support.
For now, it symbolizes a scary trauma, or a disappointment to people.”
When Teea and her ex-boyfriend started dating, it was the time when she just started receiving counselling as she was sexually harassed by her older brother in the past. Her mind was a total mess. She was afraid of facing everything.
“Through this present, my ex wanted to tell me that he would face any future challenges with me. However, it turned out that he was also a perpetrator. The promise of ‘being with me’ had brought me pain instead. Although it now symbolises the fear I had in a close relationship, it also reminds me that those experiences had passed. I have to cheer up and walk out of the haze.”
Fortunately, Teea found a listener – a friend who was willing to accompany her in difficult times.
“She recognised my experience as sexual violence before I realised that it actually was one. She reminded me that I should leave this person. She was willing to listen to me and accompany me.”
“I questioned myself repeatedly if such experience really did happen. However, the counsellors at RainLily validated my feelings and experiences. This has also allowed me to digest and accept what had happened. RainLily provides me with a space to talk about the pain that I didn’t dare to mention. It’s like someone accompanying you to walk in the darkness. It’s a shot in the arm for me to face such unbearable pain of the past.”
Even in an intimate or marriage relationship, any sexual act or attempted sexual act directed against another person without their consent is considered sexual violence. Listening without judgement is the only way that helps survivors march towards recovery.
TEEA has something to say to those who share similar experiences
Sometimes it might be hard to tell whether certain behaviours should be considered as sexual violence. A perpetrator will have a lot of excuses and explanations. Those around you might question your experience. Even you yourself might not trust your memories or feelings. You might also have the tendency to blame yourself. Please bear in mind that you have done nothing wrong. The wrong is in the perpetrator. Trust your own feelings. Also, what someone else has done has nothing to do with your worth. You deserve to be respected. It’s the perpetrator who is not worthy at all. Please have faith that you will walk out of the trauma. Let’s stay strong together, you and me.
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